Let's Get Lost

2298) I miss our late night conversations, inside jokes, Youtube explorations, Facebook game contests, crazy nicknames, future-band plans, all-day texts, random phone calls, everything. I miss everything that we had. You're gone now, and there's nothing I can do.

(via arianesantos)

SLOWLY… I am rebuilding this back… slowly but surely.

14

It’s been FOURTEEN days since that ill-fated day.
I WANT what we lost back…. this is all my fault.

I need to find a way to vent… these words are not cutting it.

regret.

I fell you when I knew I shouldn’t have. The problem is my heart got a hold of my brain and spilled my feelings unto the floor. Now things are quite different between us, and there’s this air of knowing and not knowing. Knowing what has happened between us and not knowing what to do. (But hope, too, is there. It says that someday things will be okay.) I am holding back because I’m afraid that you’d recoil. That you’d make that decision once again to (temporarily) take me out of your life - and you said you did it as a precaution because you were afraid that you’d change and that I would notice and I would get hurt. But no matter what you do, I’m still going to get hurt. You DID change, I’m not going to lie. There was a time when everything I said to you, you’d reply enthusiastically… now, I feel like everything you say back is only half-heartedly. As if… you don’t care. But I’m afraid that you’re holding back something too. And because I told you how I felt, I broke this level of trust we built up. And this is all my fault. I know some people say it isn’t… but if only I could turn back time, I would have kept my stupid mouth shut and stopped my heart from saying how it truly feels, you wouldn’t half-ignore me like you do nowadays. I wish I knew what to do… but I feel like I’ve lost you forever… and that’s something I can’t stand. (&… for the very first time in my life, I truly feel regret.)